Quick Throw the Life Preserver - I'm Sinking!

It is 1:30 a.m. In about an hour I'll probably head off to bed. Hopefully I will be able to sleep. Right now my heart is in my throat. It's beating so fast I can't seem to slow it down. I am reaching out, stretching as far as I can, looking for a life preserver so that I don't sink in my own anxiety attack. That is the best way I can describe it. You feel as though you are sinking deeper and deeper into muddy waters with no life preserver in sight.

Typically when this happens, I am curled up in a ball on my bed.  The fan blowing on me. Taking deep breaths. However, it's 1:30 a.m. Scott is sound asleep.  I fear that the shaking of my body will wake him and he has to work tomorrow.  I want him well rested so he can keep doing a great job. Besides, I know this will pass. Eventually.

The one question that everyone seems to want an answer to when this happens is "Well, what brought it on this time?"  Many times *THIS* is emphasized, with obvious disgust and annoyance. How dare I ruin their day by doing this to them. So sorry most times I can't tell you what brought it on THIS time.  Today is different though, I can tell you, but I don't want to. So please, stop asking.

There is always one thing you can do for me - pray.  Most times I would love it if you sit next to me and pray over me. However, only if you're comfortable.  All you have to do is ask before you touch me. Your touch can feel like a bolt of lightening to my sensitive skin. That is another issue all together. We'll save it for another time. Yet praying over me, with me, that is always helpful, even if I only feel better for a moment or two, that is ok.  You have alleviated 2 minutes of stress which feel like 30. So thank you.

I really don't expect everyone to get it, just accept me and love me as I am. Know that I can't always return that love and acceptance at this particular moment.  It has nothing to do with you. Not sure it has anything, really, to do with me. It is an anxiety attack.  It has no rhyme or reason.  Has no time nor season. It just - is. So my friends, if you see me drowning, and see the waters are murky all around, don't be afraid to throw me a life preserver. I promise you, I will be grateful.

Goodnight.