That is what my doctor called it. Perhaps a poor choice of words when discussing ones weight. I think there are a lot of things I am uncomfortable about with this doctor at this point. It would be lovely if I could just drop it all. I would love to exercise. I can't at this point. I do as much as I can outside of my work hours. I take my dog on 4 or 5 mini walks (think 2-4 block range). This is all I can do. I wish I can say this is all I can "tolerate", but I can't tolerate it. It hurts like hell.
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I drafted this blog a little more than a month ago. I have since found a new doctor. My therapist and I discussed what happened and she knows of my struggles. One day I will share them with you all, but for now it's very personal. No, I don't need advice on how to lose weight or told what I am doing wrong. There are so many aspects of me that you can't even begin to comprehend. For the time being know I am going to be making an appointment with a reproductive metabolic specialist due to my PCOS which has been ravaging my body for years. Dang hormones. It's only gotten worse since I started going through menopause. YAY, not.
As I sit here at this desk today, I have had a million thoughts run through my mind already and I have only been awake for 2 hours. My goal today is to declutter the closet by the front door. No easy feat when you have had an ongoing anxiety attack for the last two days. I should probably rephrase that... I've had multiple anxiety attacks over the course of the last couple days. That would be more accurate. Today is my "home work day" and I have a lot to get done for the week. I don't have time for anxiety. LOL
Decluttering is not always an easy thing to do. There are so many "attachments" to items that I don't need. Somehow keeping these items makes me feel better because I can't afford (at the moment) to get what I really need or want. So I have been keeping useless junk. Crazy. I know. Ok, I think I just changed my mind on what I am cooking for dinner. Yes, I know we were talking about decluttering. *sigh* This is my brain folks, isn't it lovely? Random random random.
I know what you're thinking too, "Why is she blogging when she has nothing to say?". Because it helps me process all that is in my head. That's why. LOL This is what goes on in my mind on a daily basis. Welcome to my world. :D
