I reflect a lot on my life. On all that has happened, the lessons learned, the heartache, the laughter, the love. Self-reflection is the pinnacle of duality. There is no other time where we can feel both accomplished and a failure within one thought process. It is the time we are most honest with ourselves, yet in the same breath we can lie to ourselves so convincingly.
Why are we like this? I believe it's self-preservation. How else do we get through life's twists and turns and ceaseless days of the mundane and still survive? We go into self-preservatione mode. What do I need to do this minute to make it through the next five minutes? How do I get from Point A to Point C without tripping over B? So many questions and never enough answers. And if you have gotten through this paragraph alone, you can see how my brain works at least 20 hours a day.
I can honestly say my life looks nothing like I expected it to when I was 16. I thought for sure by 18 I would meet the love of my life, get married right after high school, have five children and live happily ever after. Somewhere along the way my internal GPS died and I lost my way. I spent many years like that. Just like a smoke alarm that beeps reminding you that you need a new battery, so did my internal GPS. Beep - get back on track Donna. Beep - break up with that guy Donna. Beep - Re-route your life Donna. Beep. Beep. Beep. All the while I was ignoring the reminders to replace the batteries and get back on the right road.
So here I sit. Too afraid to purchase new batteries, in fear that they may be the wrong ones. Frozen at the checkout line because there are none labeled "one-size fits all". I take a deep breath, close my eyes and just choose one. Is it the battery I need to get my GPS back on track? There is only one way to find out. Give it a try. I put a new battery in and the GPS hums back to life. Re-routing. Re-routing. Re-routing. Proceed ahead 3 steps, make a right turn, find happiness, right where it's been all along, but you were too blind to see it. From here on out, it's one step at a time. Should you ever need to replace the battery again it will be a piece of cake. You know the ropes now.
It's a new world, brave girl and it's ripe with adventure. Don't hold back, don't fear getting lost, and finally, don't worry what others think.
